Thirty Days of Thanksgiving- Day 14

For today I am so grateful for our animals. We have some of the best pets in the entire world. Let me preface by saying that our animals are family members. They are loved and cared for much like our children are. I have never thought of myself as the OWNER of a dog so much as I am the caretaker of that dog. We have two dogs right now. ( We have two rats also but as I am allergic to them, they are not so much a part of my own circle as they are the girls and Dave's ) Abigail and Sweetie Pie are our furry kids, and we are so blessed to have them. My girls fully support the idea that these dogs are their furry sisters... and they love these animals as much as anyone could.
Abigail is a rescue dog. David took me to the shelter to have me pick out a dog for my Valentine's gift in 2005. We went to get a three legged chow mix that had been advertised as we were certain that no one would want her. When we got there.... and told them we were there to see that dog they laughed... because everyone in the city had come prepared to adopt the three legged dog. We were kind of bummed... we had even picked out the name " tri-pod" ( I know totally original.) Still we decided to take a look at what they had. We looked at several dogs, took them out to get to know them. All of the dogs that we pulled out were all about the dogs in the cages rather than about us. I know that shelter dogs rarely show their best foot at the shelter...but we wanted a dog to at least LOOK at us. We were about to leave and had walked out the door... when Dave said " well there was one other" and I said " yeah I saw one I kind of liked too" and he said " the one on the corner" and we finished "with one eye!" Well that decided it for us. We BOTH had thought that the same dog might be worth another look. So in we went and got her out of the crate to meet her. She was ALL about us. So excited that we were with her that she could barely calm herself. We knew in a second that she was ours.
She had been at the shelter since Jan 6 and it was Feb 10... and this poor sweetheart was so emaciated that you could count every rib. Even with more than a month of being fed at the shelter she was so thin that she looked horribly abused. She had scars everywhere and she had lost her right eye. She looked so pathetic it was heartbreaking... and this was after MORE THAN A MONTH OF CARE! I don't want to even imagine what she was when she came in. My mom was skeptical. " A Pitbull huh?" I said " Well yeah... but meet her." So she came over to meet our as yet nameless little nameless pup. She got tears in her eyes and she immediately went about getting that puppy " fattened up" We decided on the name Abigail ( despite Dave wanting desperately to name her Popeye or Cyclops.) We got a voucher when we adopted her to have a free spay or neuter... so we took her to the vet the next day. She was in such rough shape from her past that the vet immediately gave us a nasty look and was a bit short.... until she got the voucher... which made it clear that she had been adopted only the day before. She smiled and told us that she had been prepared to really dislike us because of the condition of the dog.... but that she was so glad that we had adopted her. She looked her over and told us from the scarring and the condition that the dog was in she thought that she had been a bait dog.... and that she thought that Abby was perhaps about 7 months old. We got her spayed and brought her home.... where she has stayed every day since. The vet wanted to do weight checks on her because she was so thin. In the first week we put 12 lbs on her and 8 lbs the second... and then it evened out and got slower.... but the vet wasn't worried she could tell that Abs had a good home with people who loved and fed her.
Abigail has the most loving and forgiving nature. She loves so completely and has been a blessing in our home since the day she came into it. We have to be careful with her... she can dislike a person for seemingly no reason. She has happy tail syndrome and breaks it open every now and then and bleeds all over the place. She gets nervous and scared about what seems like nothing. But she has been with us for eight nearly nine years..... and in that time she has offered so much to us that we feel the trade has been well worth it.
Sweetie Pie is a dog we got from the pet store. She is hardly a rescue.... and hasn't known a hard day since she was 8 weeks old and came into our home for the first time. She is a boxer/shar pei mix.... and is the cutest thing you have ever seen. She is as big as Abigail... but thinks of herself as a lapdog. She sleeps in the bed on my feet most nights... and she has only ever known being part of a family. I wanted to name that dog Bear.... but my girls were firm... she was Sweetie Pie.... and I guess that was that.
She was little enough when we got her.... that the kids could lift her. She was about the size of a newborn baby and was often held like one ( which might explain the lap dog syndrome.) She has helped us to teach our young girls gentle touch with animals... and has been patient with them. She managed the final test like a champ.... when Taryn accidentally tripped and fell on her she kissed her and got up. No growls no nastiness.... just checking on the kid and getting out of the way. When you have children there are those moments that no matter how hard you work to protect everyone... they fall on each other. A dog in a house full of kids.... has to be patient with that and Sweetie Pie IS. Not to mention she never tries to steal food from the kids ( Abby does so we have to watch) But then she has never known a moment of starvation or hunger. This dog was the best addition we ever could have made to our household.
We are so very blessed by these awesome animals. We are grateful every single day for them. Abigail had a stroke a few months ago... Dave got an aspirin into her and the vet believes that saved her life. She is a little wobbly now and she barks and walks around in circles about once a day... the vet said an aspirin a day for the rest of her life. There is no telling how long she will be with us. But we will give her a home until she makes that transition... and we will mourn her when it comes. Still we are proud to have had such a wonderful companion with us. We are so happy that we have been able to give this wonderful spirit a life that is worthy of her. I am a strong advocate of animal care... maybe not RIGHTS so to speak.... but caring for and being a good steward for the earth and her animals. I am at my max capacity for animals to care for. I can't take on any more, but every time I see an animal who needs care in the way that Abby did, I share it on Facebook, sometimes I shed a tear.... and then I go hug my dogs. It makes me feel like I am doing something. What I can at any rate. I love my furry kids.... and I am so grateful they are in my life. They complete my life.

Thirty days of Thanksgiving-Day 13

Today I am grateful for flexibility. Yesterday was a tough day in this household. Not much of anything got done.... including a blog post..... but we can be flexible... I can do two today. Flexibility isn't always easy. Some people aren't wired for it.... some days don't allow for it. Sometimes even people who normally CAN roll with the punches get into moods where trying to be flexible is frustrating.
I am a person of confusing tendencies. It makes living with me tough. Some days I am really flexible and fully capable of brushing off  frustrations.... and some days not so much. That isn't the only place where I can be a study of opposites from one day to the next... that is only one example. This creates a strong need for flexibility in the people around me.... This is why I am so grateful for it.
I am not happy with change.. I do not do well without some kind of plan. And yet, I don't follow them well. I start out with the best of intentions and then I blow it all to hell. It is who I am. So this leads to me saying " We need to plan this out." and being somewhat forceful about it, only to me saying "Well forget this... let's just do it this way." a little bit later in the day. This sort of flexible double personality comes from having children. See before children I would have been easily described as the most steady and conservative person in the world. A place for everything and everything in its place. A plan for everything and everything according to plan. Yup that would have summed me up perfectly.
Then I held this tiny little package of chaos. Just as I would be ready to go out the door, she would poop in her diaper. No sooner would I get into my nice clothes then she would spit up all over me. No sooner would I get to the grocery store then I would hear a babe cry and my milk would let down. No sooner would... well you get the point. It is endless. It started from day one and it has only continued. With two it makes for some interesting compromises. With so many food allergies it makes for crazy substitutions for what normal people would use. It took a bit of time for me to learn to roll with the punches. It took time for me to be okay with the interruptions and substitutions that children introduced me to.
But let's take a look at what learning to be more flexible has done for me: Ashlynn's food allergies have introduced us to amazing food choices that we might not have otherwise made. Also because of those allergies we eat a lot healthier than we otherwise might have. I have learned to take life a whole lot slower with these kids.... because if I hurry then Sunshine will dig in her heals. I have learned that flexibility makes parenting so much easier. When I start to get rigid it gets harder for all of us. It has not been an easy lesson for me. But as I have learned this lesson, I have become more and more grateful for flexibility; both in myself and those around me.

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving-Day 12

Yesterday we had snow... yes snow. .. Already. So last night Dave suggested that we go to breakfast and then go to get the girls boots. We can't COMPLETELY winterize the girls in one go... we have to do it over a series of weeks. And I was just saying to a family member that Christmas should be later in the season so I don't have to worry about how to buy presents while also making sure that my kids are outfitted for the snow and blow season. Still.... that is what we did today. We pushed back a few things that we were going to do and got the girls some boots. Next week SNOW PANTS.
So what am I grateful for today.... that I CAN do this. There are families that don't have this option. There are families who cannot buy boots for all of their kids struggle or not. So while we struggle to do it I am so grateful that we CAN!
As we walked out of Farm and Fleet there was a collection box for donations of toys for children. And as I explained to my children what it was it hit me... I am worrying about Christmas. How will I do it? What can I afford? But my kids have roofs over their head and meat on their plates. We bust our tails for everything we have.... but we worry about how MUCH we can get the kids.... not IF we CAN. So I am grateful for what we DO have..... because it is ENOUGH! what ever it is it is ENOUGH. If it is one gift this year.... it is ENOUGH! and I am so grateful for that!!

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving- Day 11

It would be extremely remiss of me to be grateful today for anything EXCEPT  our veterans and soldiers. These are people who, often at a very young age, make an extreme sacrifice for their country and the people who make this country up. Today is Veteran's Day.... and it is a day to remember: To remember those who have lost their lives fighting for our country, to remember those who have had their lives changed irrevocably by a war that they understand far more than we who sit home, to remember the sacrifices that they have made.
It is a day late now.... though I started this on the 11th children being what they are and life as a mother being what it is: I was torn away. I have that option... I have the option of putting things off for a day... Our soldiers do not.... when they are called to arms it doesn't matter that they have children at home or a new baby on the way. When they are deployed no one checks to make sure that it fits with their long term plans. Weddings are moved up or put on hold... babies are met for the first time through Skype. We see the heartfelt reunions that make the whole world tear up with happiness and the world right, but it is rare to see the tearful goodbyes... where a soldier goes off and that soldier's family has days before word and months before hugging and holding that soldier again. Today soldiers are men AND women, Husband AND wives, Fathers AND mothers. These individuals pick up and off they go at a word.
My own brother has been overseas three times; twice to Afghanistan and once to Iraq. He missed three of his daughter's first four birthdays. He missed watching her first steps and he missed Christmases with her. This is the personal sacrifice that he made because our country called.
Others have made what seems like even larger sacrifices. There are soldiers who have sacrificed one limb, two limbs... some have sacrificed their lives. There are spouses who watch every news report on pins and needles... there are children who have said goodbye to a parent with no real certainty that it isn't forever. Our soldiers come back with PTSD and have a hard time fitting back into their family lives, their social lives, civilization. These men and women spend weeks or months jumping at every loud sound, or losing themselves in flashbacks. Some of these folks will never be the same again. These sacrifices are the norm... this is what it means to be a soldier. And we at home owe a great debt of gratitude for that. I am SO very grateful for the sacrifices that have been made by the men and women who wear the uniform of our country's armed services. I am posting a picture of my favorite veteran.... though I am grateful for every single one!

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving- day 10

Today I am on a high. It is a high I get every Sunday, and it comes from meeting with like-minded people and sharing time and eating a meal together. It comes from hearing an uplifting message and tuning in to the Spirit inside.
Today I voice my gratefulness for my church home.... and my church family! I love going to church. I love bringing my children to spend time with these folks and I know that they are safe. I know that we are cared for. More than I even could have imagined. It was proven to me in a way that could never be doubted in August. My husband Dave cut his arm in August. He cut through nerves, tendons, and even an artery. The cut required surgery to repair and the prognosis for his hand does not include full recovery. For a family whose sole support is the income that Dave brings into our house, this caused a bit of a scare. How the heck would we support ourselves. Well the Sunday after Dave's surgery I went to church... and I was greeted by concern from every member of our congregation. But more than that I was met with an envelope of cash that was handed to me that had been donated by our congregation in a collection that was taken up before I got there. How could my heart do anything but SOAR when this loving care is evidenced so entirely to me by their actions.
I have seen friends get my children plates of food, cut the food that is on their plates, and hold chairs to ensure that my little climber didn't kill herself. My girls ask me all week long if it is "Church Day" yet... and on the way home today Ashlynn said " I wish we could have church twice a week." A six year old who wants to be there twice a week: Why? Simply put, it is the love that flows so freely from one person to another there. We live in the flow of Spirit and we share it joyously.
I am so grateful to have the community that this church offers to me. I look forward to seeing these people every single week. I love to share a love for Spirit and the great works that come from a concentrated faith of like minded people. I am so blessed to have been drawn to this place... my spiritual home. I am so happy when I am there... and I am buoyed by that happiness through the week. I started my Etsy store and this blog when I have ducked my head for years because of the courage that I have gained through this church... and the belonging that I feel when I am there. I have learned that in order for me to grow I have to stretch Body, Mind, and Spirit.... and that sometimes spiritual stretching can mean jumping into that unknown and letting Spirit catch you. So I jumped... and we will watch how it grows... and I will live in the flow of Spirit... and I will learn great things by doing so..... and I have a whole community of people to thank for that!

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving- Day 9

Where would I be without friends..... They make life so much better. Whether it is laughing about old memories or laughing as we make NEW memories.... friends make life so much better. I am lucky because I can call most of my family friends. In this world of dysfunctional families that isn't something a lot of people can do. But there is also something to be said for friends who are NOT actually blood.. people who you invite into your life by CHOICE because you love having them there.
I am not a good friend for a lot of people. It isn't that I don't WANT to be. I have really good intentions. But more it is that I have parts of my personality that get in the WAY of me being a really good friend for most people. I have anxiety in large groups and it pulls me into myself. It takes a lot of energy for me to be social... energy that I don't have a lot of the time. This anxiety and energy issue even relates to family gatherings. This is something even my oldest younger brother, who is extroverted, does not understand. He gets frustrated with me at times. But it is just SO much easier for me to visit with a people one or two at a time. So Facebook and social networks tend to be my "friend" outlet. And most of the people who are my friends on there never have to deal with me. There are a few people however, who ARE actively a part of my life... and they deal with the long periods of time when I do not socialize... those people are able to pick up friendship again like we never had a distance or a time. They also know that chatting on Facebook or an e-mail that is shared is cherished communication... and we stay in touch that way when we can't see each other.
I could name every one by name.... THAT is how FEW my real life friends are. Some I haven't seen for a year.... but when we do see each other it like there was no time and space between visits. And there is little reason for me to list these friends by name ( and who wants the pressure of perhaps forgetting one) because they KNOW who they are. They know that I love them... they know that when we are together I am eager to plan another visit. They also know that life gets busy and I get forgetful and time passes. I am blessed by friends who remember to invite ME rather than wait for me to invite... because I don't often remember and I am usually a little worried about imposing. I am blessed by people who brush my worry aside and invite my family.... because they know that as the mom of young children I am rarely able to get away without the kids. I am so blessed to have friends who when we do get together we don't dwell on how long it has been... but instead how much fun we can have RIGHT then. I am so grateful for those people.
I have a lot of people who I owe an apology to... because they have tried to be my friend.... but don't perhaps understand the weirdness that is me. They don't understand that as an introvert I don't really need to do big festivals or parties. They don't fully understand that in some ways I might even lack the skills to be able to meet a person halfway. It is always sad to see a friendship end... and I have had what could be close friends slip into that space of being in the outer space of acquaintance, because of my own personality quirks. I wish I came with a warning label, because I fear sometimes that it has caused hurt for others.
 It has taken me a long time to come to terms with my own personality and to recognize that it is okay.... and before I tried really hard to FORCE it, but who wants to be continually exhausted by trying to be someone she isn't? This is why I am so very grateful for the few friends I have... the people who understand and accept this hermit nature of mine.... who are there when I poke my head out of my hobbit hole and say... AWESOME your out Want to go for a walk... How about some sledding? I can count my close friends ( who aren't married to me or connected by blood) on ONE HAND, and that is NOT an exaggeration. I NEED it to be that way, and I am so very grateful to those who have stuck by me. I love you!!!

Thirty Days of Thanksgiving- Day Eight

It gets hard to decide which thankful I want to count as you get out into it... Should I do... this or that?... Will people read into which order I put it? I hope not. There are so many things in my life that I am thankful for... order is insignificant in the grand scheme of it all. In all honesty though I am an amazingly blessed woman! I have so many blessings to count.
Today though I am going to count my brothers.... because man what would my life be without them. Shawn is 2.5 years younger than I am... and Brenden is 8.5 years younger than I am. So while they haven't been there my ENTIRE life... pretty close. My first memory that I can absolutely pinpoint a date to.... is the day that my Dad and I picked out a little ducky toy to bring to Shawn on the day that he was born. From that point forward he was an active part of my life. And while as a child I didn't always count that as a blessing... as an adult I most certainly do.
Shawn was a mix of worst enemy best friend. In our childhood we could often be at war with each other... and then ten seconds later be thick as thieves. He shot me with a B.B. gun ... I shot him with an arrow... neither of us even try to pretend it was by accident any more. It might surprise you then to know that I once pulled a bully off of him with threats of beating the bully's ass myself... and that Shawn has gone to bat for me more times than I think I could count. There have been times in our lives where we had the same or at least a very similar circle of friends... and there have been times where I couldn't say that I KNOW but a few of his friends. When he was in Iraq and I was pregnant with Ashlynn. He called me nearly EVERY DAY! I am not kidding... I spoke with him several times a week without fail. I e-mailed him photos of our life and his daughter and her life nearly as frequently. Whether I was taking care of him while he was away.... or he was taking care of me through a difficult pregnancy where I was bedridden after having lost three babes.... who knows. We could say it was either, the fact is that I was so caught up in making sure HE had what HE needed that I wasn't as able to worry as I could have been. And when he got home my whole world brightened. He is my hero. I am so proud of him, and so grateful to be his sister.
Brenden and I have had a very different sort of relationship. Brenden is much younger... and I started babysitting for him before he was a full year old. I remember him as a baby and as a toddler. I remember tickling him and loving his laugh and smile when he was unable to walk. I remember his curls and his sweetness when he was the age of my children now. I know the sweetness and vulnerability of the child that he was.... and the amazing man that his IS. When we were younger I watched him during winter break, spring break, and summer break. But watching him is a misnomer... because we were constant companions, it was hardly a "babysitting job." Instead it was walks to the library where he would pick out TONS of books and then going home to read them all... sometimes in one sitting. It was walking to get ice cream, going to ride go-carts, hiking in the park. It was a whole lot more than just watching him. It was a friendship... it just happened to be between brother and sister... babysitter and kid. That friendship has continued into adulthood. It is rockier now... a great deal in part to the fact that I have had trouble transitioning to his being adult.... and because when he went through his teen rebellion.... well he rebelled against me more than he did my mom and dad. Weird but true.
Still when I went to the doctor's office for our last visit and found out that Rowan was gone.... it was my brother that had gone with me.... it was my brother who held me as I sobbed. It was Brenden who cried with me as he realized that my baby was gone.... and how it hurt me. When I have to go for a bit and my furry babies need cared for... it is my brother who I turn to. Not because he is the most convenient.... but because I know beyond a shadow of any doubt that he is the ONLY person on this earth who loves my Abby as much as I do.... and YES I mean ONLY! I know that he would do anything for my dogs. I know that he understands some of the glitches that a rescue dog has.
Brenden's heart is so pure and so amazing. His love for animals goes so deep as to be who he is. This man who for Christmas many years ago got me a new sweater... because he recognized that I always have ONE sweater... and that it is extremely important to me... that it becomes a part of me... and that I had lost my most recent one. It is this attention to detail that has him knowing things about the people he loves well enough to make sure they get the perfect gift. Brenden is one of my best friends... he is every thing a sister could ever ask for in a brother. I am so proud of the man he has become.... I cherish the memories of the sweet boy that he was. I love everything about this man.... and I call him brother with a great deal of pride. I am so very blessed to be his sister.