Asthma and Airways

A and T have had a cold this week. I had it last week and Dad did too. But colds are a little different if you have a child with Asthma. All of a sudden you are awake all night listening to her breathing. Every cough and inhalation is carefully analysed to determine if an inhaler treatment is needed. For A colds tend to hit her chest harder, and stay longer... and they are scary. T has her own issues. She has an overactive gag reflex so she always ends up throwing up. I can handle that. What I hate is the sour tummy I get as I listen to A wheeze and the lack of sleep as I listen. Last night I had to wake her up to give her an inhaler treatment. Yesterday she came to me in tears because her chest felt so tight. These are things that some mommas don't understand. These are the reasons that she is kept inside until the cough is all gone. These are the reasons I tend to be overprotective of her. And not just me... today it was her Daddy who stopped her and made her breath for him for a second and then jumped up to get the inhaler.
The funny thing is that we all come from a different place, a different set of experiences. The blueprint of our prior lives is what determines how we react to the circumstance that life throws at us.  A momma who has a kid with a strong immune system who has never had an allergic reaction or a wheezy baby may look at me and shake her head. But then when I see her hovering over her child at a playground I may do the same. "What a shame" I think " that child needs to learn to trust herself." And yet perhaps that same child fell last week and suffered ill effects because of that fall, making mom a little more protective. How am I to know that.... and yet I feel free to judge. I feel a degree of self-righteousness as I shake my head and mutter, then smile at my child who is jumping fearlessly from the top platform. THAT is what a mother SHOULD do. Isn't it?
But the answer is simply this: a mother should parent in the best way that she knows how. A mother should never listen to those shoulds..... instead a mother needs to love her child, and herself for doing the best that she can with what she has to work with. And perhaps, if there is enough time or energy when all is said and done a mother can offer a smile to another mother who has a temper tantrum in kids clothing, or a hand of help to that momma with the new baby and well frankly a terrified look on her face. Motherhood is tough. It is the most difficult job that I have ever done... and the most important. So let's all give each other a break.... because I sure know I could use one every now and then.

Rainbow Baby

I suppose that it is fitting that I should start this blog on this date.... October 29th. Six years ago on this date.... I was handed an eight pound bundle that changed my life forever. This bundle seemed like she was the answer to all of my dreams. Little did I know.... she was the START of all of my dreams. She was my Rainbow baby. The first of my children to come home to stay. That made her special in and of itself, but as I got to know this little bundle I realized that she was special for many many more reasons than that. She has taught me to love..... she has shown me how deep love can penetrate your soul. She has helped me to learn how loved I am. She has connected me more closely to the Spirit.... as I see her connection and strive to be that connected. She has filled my whole world with an inquisitive brightness that I can only hint at. She has made me whole when I hadn't even known I was missing something. I am blessed by this little girl every single day. And I am so grateful for her presence in my life.
So what am I doing... selling our crafts on Etsy, starting a blog, moving forward in ways that I haven't even planned. Why am I doing this? Well firstly because I feel strongly that this is a way that I can support my family... and yes this Rainbow baby... while being HOME with her. But also because as I write out these things that I feel and see in the growing up of my babies.... it helps me to sort out the messy emotions that go with it.... and it helps to firm my connection to my children and to the Spirit. And lastly because it might help another mommy... one who is home with her babes... one who has lost one of her babes... one who is feeling a little crazy and needs to know that we all feel that way. We'll see where this takes us.... and my guess is that it will be a bumpy ride, but that ride can be filled with laughs and smiles as well as tears: and all of those things are better for having been shared with each other.